Cowering behind the bike sheds

18 July, 2011 (10:24) | All articles | By: Stuart Fraser

Paying attention at the back, there? Yes, you, Jimmy the Stick. Now listen: did any of you – any of you at all – notice the bit in the middle in last week’s column, between the two gags about my drug-fuelled sex orgy with Pippa Middleton, Eric Pickles, a small goat and the Archbishop of Canterbury?

Just the Captain and the Grey-Haired Old Badger. Thought so.

So we’re going to have to do it all over again. I know, I know. Look, I’ll sneak in a willy joke to try and keep your attention.

Here’s the quick version: media important; media badly served by corporate owners; country needs functioning independent media to perform vital democratic function; country worse off without vibrant press. All clear?

When I wrote last week’s piece, things were pretty bad over at News International. Since then, the situation has gone into complete meltdown and the country’s public school / media / corporate elite are cowering behind the bike sheds shoving the phone book down the back of their trousers, wondering who’s going to be next to be hauled up in front of the beak. Unless the beak’s resigned too. Presumably those of you who commented on last week’s column are trying to cheer them up with some dirty jokes. I’ll be along in a moment, but first…

Of course it’s amusing to see the powerful caught in this way – and of course we all hope and pray that the Dark Empire of Rupert Murdoch continues its spiral into history. Much is at stake – and let’s widen the debate from last week.

Over in the States, for example, President Barack Obama is desperately trying to cobble together some sort of compromise that can keep his country one millionth of a millimetre on the black side of the balance book in the face of a $14 trillion debt. The Republican Right, led by the God-fearing crazies of the Tea Party, are trying to sabotage Obama’s increasingly desperate suggestions, adopting a policy of singing very loudly until it all goes away. If they succeed, we in this country will face yet more difficulty because of their crass selfishness and ignorance; after all, the last economic nosedive had its roots in the States too.

The media comes into it because the American media, led by Murdoch’s ludicrous Fox News, makes the British media look like a bunch of lentil-wearing lefty liberals. Fox News is so far to the right it would arrest the Daily Mail for being Communist, and ban the Daily Star for being too intellectual. The US media, generally, unswervingly follows the Republican right on the road to damnation, or at least damnation of the rest of the world, and very few Americans have the faintest clue what’s going on with their virtually bankrupt economy. A giant country blithely carries on defying all economic sense and destroying the world the rest of us have the misfortune to share with them.

These are sweeping generalisations, of course, but sometimes such generalisation is valid: for a better analysis of this grim situation, try Will Hutton: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jul/17/obama-america-economic-meltdown-murdoch ; Gary Younge offers a damning explanation of America’s moral bankruptcy: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jul/17/us-default-debt-ceiling-obama-congress

Oh, I lied about the willy joke. Bet you read this far, though.

And another thing…

As we near the release of Tony Hazzard’s new album Songs From The Lynher, which, having had a preview, I can wholeheartedly recommend, Tony’s busily Tweeting and Facebooking and CD cover designing and website arranging and all the other things a 21st century musician must do besides play all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.

The process has put him in touch with old friends; one replied to Tony on Twitter but remarked that his wife was not a fan of Tweeting. Tony replied: “Don’t tell me I’ve encouraged a man to tweet on his wife.”

Which set me thinking: if Stephen Fry were pregnant, would he be expecting to hear the twitter twatter of tiny tweets? (As Tony pointed out, he is a leading member of the twattering classes). If the Hypocrites Society wanted a social networking presence, would they have to open two Facebook accounts? Will councils tackle the next winter freeze by updating motorists via Gritter?

And another thing…

It can be hard to keep up morale in these troubled times, so it was a joy to hear Dr Pat McGovern speak last week at a conference in Cornwall on the difficulties small rural schools may face if changes proposed in the Government’s Education White Paper of 2010 come into effect.

One approach is to form co-operative trusts like that with which Dr McGovern has been involved, the Helston and Lizard Peninsula Education Trust.

It’s an idea firmly founded on principle, community and togetherness – he told his audience: “Education is a public service and a means of offering social justice for all. How dare anybody give our schools away to a small group of unelected self-appointed individuals?

 “Co-operative trusts are about mutualisation, not privatisation, groups of schools working strategically together towards a shared vision for educational advancement with the involvement of the wider community, and protection of educational assets, working together to make best use of resources, all striving to achieve better outcomes for children and families. We want to teach our children about co-operation and democratic values.”

If you want to read more on the subject, I’ve written a piece for the Western Morning News and the TES which you can download from the ‘Articles’ page on this site.

Comments

Comment from Iain
Time July 21, 2011 at 12:06 am

Excellent. Couldn’t agree more about the good old US of A. A more insular race of self appreciating ne’er-do-wells I have never had the pleasure of trying to have a conversation with. Only 37% (stats from Jan 2011) have got passports!! 2 out of 3 can’t even travel to Canada!! And they think that the World Series baseball should only be open to American teams. Scary isn’t it….still, if I sing even louder, maybe the USA will go away! Now, about htat willy joke…there once was a man from Caerphilly…………………………

Comment from One Old Fiddle
Time July 21, 2011 at 12:52 pm

….who had an inflatable willy…

Comment from Stuart
Time July 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

…when drunk with the stout…

Comment from One Old Fiddle
Time July 21, 2011 at 4:46 pm

…he’d whip it right out…
..and wave it about willy-nilly!

Comment from jimmythestick
Time July 21, 2011 at 7:12 pm

….sorry sir…..must have dropped off sir…..only for a few seconds sir….waking up immediately sir…..er..er…um….er…I know “coli c” dog ailment…is that krect sir?

Comment from Stuart
Time July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

Don’t do that, Jimmy… love the limerick. Looks like I’d better abandon next week’s piece about economic theory and do something about the old grocer from Chiswick instead

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