Tempus frogit

12 March, 2012 (13:09) | All articles | By: Stuart Fraser

I was going to be quick at the blogging this morning, what with the sun beating down and beckoning me into the garden where the daffodils are smiling and seeds need planting.

So I dropped the children and hurried eagerly back. At the top of the hill was an elderly chap staring forlornly at his flat-tyred Nissan. I was going to drive blithely past, but then remembered the evening when Management, in the car with our two children when one was a toddler and the other a baby, was rescued by a kindly soul who changed her flat for her in the tipping rain and howling storm while she looked after the kids. So I stopped and changed this chap’s wheel for him.

It was still only 9.30, and I had plenty of time to get the column written and step into the garden before picking up the kids at quarter past three.

But then Bill the Plumber needed to chat about the day’s work, and we had to move a heavy bookcase. Bill had an emergency on, so needed to check with Sam the Kitchen where they stood vis-à-vis sinks and dishwashers, with yours truly looking pointlessly on while they spoke another language.

Just as I sidled out of shot, Sam pointed at the washed, wet dishes left standing on the cardboard box housing the putative dishwasher. Sighing, I set to drying and moving them out of his way.

Then, pausing only to hang out the washing and glance at the frogs in the pond – my, they spend a lot of time having sex, don’t they? – I turned on the computer. Then, pausing only briefly to find my adjustable spanner, which necessitated breaking into the back door as it was locked from the inside and blocked by two cookers and a fridge unit, oil it to free the cog and then deliver it to Sam the Kitchen, I logged on the computer. Shortly afterwards, I left the computer to go and reboot the broadband router, which spends more time off than on.

10.45.

By which time, coffeeless so far, I was beginning to feel a bit grumpy and certainly twitchy. So I brewed a pot of coffee, shared with Bill and Sam, which necessitates filling the jug in the bathroom and walking miles and miles to and from the office as I have no kitchen. I delivered coffee, checked that the frogs were still doing what frogs seem to do all the time, and sat down.

10.55.

The phone rang.

Now often I ignore the phone, but today, foolishly, I picked it up. It was Captain Kay calling to discuss the weekend’s rugby, and other important matters. What I should have said was “bugger off, Captain, I’m busy”. But life’s too short to tell friends to bugger off, so we chatted.

11.45.

The phone rang.

It was a man trying to arrange to deliver a piano, who, in nearly two months, hasn’t so far managed to get as far as coming to give us a quote. We had a discussion.

It’s now 12.04 and I haven’t been outside since doing the washing and fetching the adjustable spanner. I think, shortly, you may have to just live with this for a week.

Of course, you’ll all just think I’m being grumpy again. That’s what people say when I curse and swear at any mention of the big events destined to bring joy into all our lives this year, the Olympics and the Diamond Jubilee of the Queen, Gawd bless her.

“Stop grumbling and join in the fun”, people say. Fun? Waving plastic flags and listening to media hysteria? Watching money wasted? Crikey, think of all the fun we could all have had with the Olympic money, all those billions of pounds. Give me my share of that little lot and I’d be smiling.

In the meantime, on the whole, and taking all things into consideration, I think I’d rather be a frog.

 

 

Comments

Comment from Hamster
Time March 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Glad to see that you attended your empathy lesson last week Stuart, that old boy would have really appreciated your efforts this morning, one good turn deserves another and all that. Random acts of kindness (nothing naughty you dirty minded people) from a stranger, I think is one of the nicest human gestures, even something simple like lifting the other end of a pushchair for someone who is struggling up some steps……simple, hardly any effort but very much appreciated.

Comment from Hamster
Time March 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

This weeks Hamster Top Tip – Life is like a roll of loo paper, the closer you get to the end the faster it seems to run out. So Tempus Fugit, waste it wisely……….. make like a frog!

Comment from One Old Fiddle
Time March 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm

What’s so wrong with random acts of kindness which are also naughty, especially when of a frog-like nature?

Comment from One Old Fiddle
Time March 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I meant to say “random acts of kindness from a stranger, which are also naughty”. Well… you know what I mean!

Comment from Hamster
Time March 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Sadly OOF we are no longer strangers and as tempting as a random act of frog-like kindness may have been it just wouldn’t be the same now 🙁

Comment from One Old Fiddle
Time March 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

“A random act of frog-like kindness”! As the young people say today: LMAO! “Hello, young lady! Since we’ve only just met, and are therefore strangers, would you like a random act of frog-like kindness?”

Comment from Another Old Git
Time March 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Beware you random acters…this will lead to sifrogilis…gonerlily and…. worst of all…. an attack of the rivits…use a condom.

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