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I hope you will forgive me this week: I have been on holiday, and therefore I have been far, far too busy to produce the usual rant.

Once upon a time, in days gone by, I had a little holiday ritual. I’d drive to Ashburton and the best little second-hand bookshop in the world, browse for a happy hour and then repair to a nearby café for breakfast with a bag full of wonderful purchases. Whenever I got a break, that was the first thing I’d do. When Management and I were first manacled together, she joined me.

Now? As many of you will vouch, brothers and sisters, for a parent, a holiday is a time of hyperactivity. Today, for example, in order to furnish my oldest with a BMX bike without spoiling the little sod by spending a fortune on a new one when he’s already got a perfectly good mountain bike, I have found a £25 bargain on Ebay. This required a two-hour round journey costing £30 in fuel, plus matching investment for youngest son in one of his interests so both are treated equally. What a bargain that was.

Very rarely, in these years, we’ve been able to offload the offspring and enjoy some grown-up hotel luxury. But that’s been a rare delight. As rare as a shred of kindness in Iain Duncan Smith’s shrivelled heart.

Add to the parenting burden the fact that for a self-employed person, a holiday is a time to catch up on all the jobs you never have time to do. Management and I have cleared several square miles of our boundary hedge, and tried to renovate some of our internal doors.

I was also able to catch up on some paid work on which I’d got behind because I was so busy.

Leisure time? We have been to the circus, the beach, a motor car rally, the big city, Grampy for lunch and a steam railway. We have eaten in, out and outside.

Tomorrow, I shall return to work.

What? What’s that you say? What treats did you get on your holiday, Stuart? Are you rested? Re-engaged? Raring to go?

That, my brothers and sisters, I leave to your imagination. If you are like me, the imagination is where luxury, relaxation and holidays live.